A Balless Weiner: The Biggest Problem Regarding Sex In Marriage

Yesterday I wrote a piece for GroundReport.com called Erection Election: Can Anthony Weiner Be A Great Mayor?

He’s failed at being a husband, he failed after getting a second chance in politics, and quite frankly, he’s failed at having a saucy affair because he really didn’t even get his dick wet. Personally, just that last item of not getting his dick wet, makes me loose all respect for him. How are you going to risk everything, A SECOND TIME, AND STILL ONLY USE YOUR HAND?? I mean, if you’re going to be a bad boy, at least be good at it. Having semi-long-term cyber relationships that you just can’t seem to quit rather than having a proper affair and getting your cock stroked with something other than your hand, is like huffing paint chips to get high instead of doing blow. C’mon, SON!

When his son Jordan is 18, I imagine the conversation could possibly go something like this:

So you’re telling me you ran for mayor because you didn’t want me thinking your last success in politics was resigning from Congress? So you ran, knowing you were repeating the same exact mistakes over again, knowing you would hurt mom and embarrass me, AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GET YOUR COCK SUCKED?”

Obviously, Weiner has a wiener, but no balls. Phone sex and sexting? Really, dude? How old are you … 13?

He’s legit got to be the dumbest human being I’ve ever seen. Poor Huma-iliation. At least Bill Clinton got his dick sucked. And in the Oval Office too! I don’t know about you, but I think that’s freakin’ awesome, and something the majority of the world cannot cross off their bucket list!! And because he’s actually charming and attractive, unlike Weiner, he’s more forgiveable and still has his sex appeal. I love Hillary too, don’t get me wrong. It sucks what happened between them, but they bounced back, and they are both great because of it.

Look, I’ve always felt politicians should be able to do whatever they want in their private lives. It’s not our business. Puritan America demonizes sex and sexuality. In fact, I would partially blame such demonizing for the orgasm gap between men and women — the psychological and cultural mutilation of sexuality prevents shame-free evolution and acceptance of owning our sexualities. But if Anthony and Huma have an understanding, or some sort of arrangement or acceptance, then why can’t they just say so? Of all the places on Earth, New York City is one place where citizens would rather hear that you have a new age progressive marriage rather than how mortified, embarrassed, and wrong you are. Don’t get up and apologize and say you’re deeply ashamed and need treatment, as if to imply and acknowledge something is wrong with you in the first place.

I mean, come on Weiner. Can’t you just be a little more French about it, and have some discretion, suave, couth, and tact? Oh, that’s right. You can’t. You have serious ego and delusion issues that are bleeding into your sexuality and making you sexually retarded.

If your marriage to Huma is the expected “normal” marriage the public assumes it to be — not an open marriage or one of respectful infidelity — why would you make a committment to a woman under the guise of utter and complete sexual monogamy, be it cyber or otherwise, if you can’t uphold your promises? How will you uphold any of your promises to New York City citizens if you can’t even live up to the promises made to the one person who is supposed to be #1 in your life? And when she forgives you, why go back to the same hurtful actions?

Weiner, I do not wish your insanity on any therapist.

Do you know what the biggest problem within marriages and couples is in today’s world regarding sex? People don’t know who they are sexually when they commit to someone. And when they finally do find someone they can tolerate or love, sexual compatibility is typically not a top priority; nor is complete and utter honesty about who they are and what they want for their sex lives. So alas, people have their secret little fantasy worlds, which sadly, rarely are shared with the one person with whom they should be sharing them. The TERROR!

PEOPLE: Know thy self and know thy sexuality BEFORE you put a ring on it. Be honest with yourself and each other, so as you ride the waves of change and growth together through the years, you can be forthright, without hiding from your partner, some new kink that finds its way into your brain in five years. The journey of sexual exploration and evolution with your partner is fucking awesome. I know. I’m on one now. But it takes trust: in yourself, in your relationship, and in your partner.

Human beings are interesting creatures. They sign prenuptial agreements over how they will divide money and assets in the case of divorce. Yet they don’t have prenups for what they will do when children are involved, how they will divide custody, or agreements as to how they will behave as parents. Sadly, it seems money is more important to most people than the children they may bear.

Huma and Jordan, I wish you nothing but the best, tons of love, and tons of bright happiness in your future.

Weiner, you’re pathetic.

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